everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sober January is a disaster.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
