Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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