im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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