HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
