you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
