he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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