remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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