just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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