At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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