I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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