Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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