I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
