Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
