It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
