piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FUCK WHALES
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