I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
