On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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