I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Less talking, more tequila
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
