i just google imaged poop.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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