I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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