Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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