you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
