hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
