Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
