If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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