How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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