I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
