Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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