I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
