Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
