just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
