Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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