The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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