i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
