My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
