Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
