I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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