can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
