Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Eco-friendly.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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(517): View more from Michigan

if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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(207): View more from Maine

I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

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(561): View more from Florida

I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.

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(312): View more from Illinois

But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.

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