I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need moral support for this bender
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
