I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He better not be in your backpack
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
