Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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