So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
