i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
