You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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