her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
