So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
