Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
