I puked a lego.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
smell my finger.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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