After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize