I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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