So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
