I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
