before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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