also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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