And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
