My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cannot find my penis.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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