i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
