i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
