He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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