I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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