my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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