Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
