Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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