don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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