You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
