He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
