I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
