My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
