pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
