he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
